Student Translation Project
HKBU TIIS 2022
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A City Without Tranquility
'Have you ever felt like you were trapped in your own country? '
I have craved to escape from this city for a long time. It is like it brings me only displeasures. I could not hear my friend well when walking on the street because of a passing car. After he repeated what he said louder, I shouted to give consent. We were shouting at each other as if we were enjoying it. We guffawed when criticizing others. However, during this emotional moment, I always felt indescribable sorrow and desired peace.
At those moments, I felt like an outsider to myself, viewing myself in the third person. I was staring at myself in such a despised way, but at the same time, empathetic. I didn’t really like myself, I guess. I couldn’t stop spending a lot of time and energy on trivial matters, just as I couldn’t stop the rumbling noise from cars on the street. Pretending to be an outsider, I was watching the show that was scripted, directed, and performed by myself. My true self, constructed by strangeness, fastidiousness, and tiredness, was gradually revealed when I performed the role. The feeling was like a drowning person who wanted a life buoy desperately, but it ended up floating away — a kind of loneliness.
When I covered my mouth, I thought the world would return to complete silence. Still, my hands sometimes unintentionally turn on the television and radio, indirectly expressing my emotions and opinions through the voices of others. I couldn’t believe myself complaining, in such a furious way, about the quality of the television programmes. My mind was occupied by those colourful video images and drama plots, losing inspiration and motivation to write. I thought I was too busy to waste time on frivolities like following the latest fashion trends. Still, I could hear myself saying, ‘mum, green is the trendy colour this year. Why did you buy an earthy yellow dress?’ in a lofty tone, as if I was holding an expert. If the hero turned into a villain in a TV drama, I would be happy for his ‘breakthrough.’ Even though he put poison into others’ drinks, I would clap my hands in applause, seeing his behaviour as a kind of justice. However, when I returned to reality, I realised a pile of work was waiting to be done. I wasted too much time watching television and listening to the radio. Dealing with endless work made me feel pathetic.
After a day of hard work, my eyes and ears will suffer from fatigue. Sometimes, I would put my work down for a day and go for a walk in the suburbs. I thought embracing nature could help me regain my inner peace and calmness. However, I once stayed at Upper Cheung Sha Beach for a night and was constantly woken up by my neighbours playing mahjong for the entire night. After it, I felt awfully guilty for dropping what I was supposed to do, so I got up immediately to check what tasks were left unfinished, embracing my role at work. During my return trip, the sun was setting slowly, and the seagulls flew over the sea. And I fell into a deep sleep until all of them were gone.
Suddenly, I heard a loud noise. A man who carried a portable loudspeaker disliked the melancholy tune sung by Alan Tam, so he switched it to a rock song. I woke up in shock and realised that I had failed to escape from this city where walls were built around me. I ran away yet what I left were just ‘I was here’ and the regrets of wasting my time.
I could neither get rid of being the intellectual snobs at the university. I was also not good enough to be the one they wanted. I told myself to make progress, work hard, love people, and live honestly and happily, but this crowded city would not allow me to do so.
There is a city in Asia situated in the beautiful subtropical region on the south coast of China. It has become more and more flourishing and stable. It has been rooted in my heart.
The city laughed. I was escaping desperately and thinking whether there would be a murmuring stream not far away.